Poor Germany!!!

Well, this really seems to be hep.

By contrast we got this:


You could tell which one I prefer.

(orginially posted on May 29th, 2006)

Who said PC-Games are not art?

Well, well, sometimes PC-Games do encourage creativity. As for instance the Gamestar proofed with art competitions of PC inspired pictures and virtually or real arrangements.

Now also GoRRaX, a member of my “Guild Wars”-Guild, created some banners for our guild.

(orginially posted on May 16th, 2006)

Well, well. All that technology!

 

Something similar happened to my godmother:
She returned from shopping and had to cross the street. She waited at red lights and heard a noise. In the belief that this traffic light is one of those making sounds to assist blind persons she assumed that the source of that noise was the traffic light. The only thing that made her wonder was the fact that the noise matched her mobile phones ring tone.
On top of that, she suddenly heard a voice out of her bag, namely that of her daughter. Utterly flabbergasted she began to think of herself going cuckoo. She would hear a traffic light emitting ring tones and her bag talking into her with the voice of her daughter.

Back home she described her worries to her daughter who replied confusedly that she actually did phone her!!! This took a load of her mind since she does not hear imaginary voices, yet.


(orginially posted on May 10th, 2006)

Pleasant pedagogues

He is a myth at our school! Our English and former Latin-teacher. Be it the rumors about his wooden foot, which is said to make him recognizable over a great distance, as if Captain Ahab is taking a walk over the deck of the Pequod, or his reputation as an Ex-Veteran-Nazi-Officer, or his grown famous quotes like “I surely am not the negro wiping the board for you!” and “On Monday I will take care of you, but with an axe!” or “In your case they should reintroduce death penalty !”.
Strangely enough, he was left unchecked by school administration in spite of such and other commentarys.

Recently he performed, in my opinion, his gravest impudence:
A female classmate’s father deceased not long ago. When she returned (for some time she was exempted from school due to her recent tragic loss) off all things she was lucky enough to rejoin a lesson of the aforementioned.
He quizzed vocabulary and definitions. 4 implied words were funeral, body, desperate and to bury. These were the only terms associated with this exact topic. And for every single one of these four words he asked the girl whose father died recently!!! The first word he quizzed was “funeral” which he asked her. After that he asked another pupil the word before, so he went back because he actually skipped this word specifically for her. There you might have thought “OK, that was a coincidence”. But already after the second time doubts regrew and not later than the third time it became clear that can’t be fortuitousness .
And there is nothing you can do against this (excuse my French) asshole. Because teacher is always right.


(orginially posted on May 10th, 2006)

Follow-up: looking for something disinfecting

At the end of the sports lesson I realized that my leg did not like that little sports injury. It felt weakened and quite painful when treading. Hence I was looking for the school medical service (at least there is something like this). Unfortunately their room was locked and nobody on duty.

Therefore I had to limp to the secretary’s office. Along the way my laceration was gaped at, people who knew me kept asking: “How did you do that?” and “Full Heavy!” etc. At the secretary’s office my wound was examined (“Oh dear and we just used the last plasters on Maxim's little uncle!”) and finally the room was combed through in order to find disinfectant and bandages. Neither was found.

So the principal’s universal key was “stolen” and we (me and the secretaries of course, therefore everything legal!) invaded the school medical service’s office. The search was protracted without success. Dressing material was available in abundance, enough to be mummified in 60 layers, but no disinfectants anywhere – and my wound was in dire need of some.

Thus the secretary apologized (I was deeply grateful for their efforts) and released me from the rest of the school day.


(orginially posted on May 9th, 2006)

They don’t like me!

Who are they anyway? No, exceptionally they are not the “Yellow Angels”. I am talking about the whole bunch of gods, world spirits or supernatural beings whatsoever who keep the world running and are responsible for the fortune and misfortune of some people. Exactly those “They” do not seem to like me.

Why?

Here are two examples:

Last Friday I had the great honour of visiting my school again in the afternoon. It would not have been that bad if it had not been Friday afternoon for which I had other plans in mind. No, of course I was obliged to do something really important in school.

And today it was great as well:

Sports lesson. Rarely do I come out of it without an injury of some kind. Baseball was scheduled for today. Even on the grass court. Fair enough, for once in a long time sports was joyful again which might have been because for once everyone was motivated to take part.

But then:

I hit the ball, started running, but the ball was almost safe. So I slid to the next base – which of course was positioned on the only part of the field where the lawn made room for a bit of ash. Precisely through this ash, leg grazed.

With this “disability” I had to limp through the rest of the class.

(orginially posted on May 9th, 2006)

Welcome to the German education system!

“We want to diminish the cancellation of classes and provide an improved level of education.”

This is what politicians announced after the dismaying results of the PISA study regarding the educational attainment of German students. How does this work in reality? Business as usual when politicians deliver such speeches.

Take this example:

Tuesday, morning class. The timetable announces: English, taught by an apodictic veteran nazi you don’t want to contradict, unless you intend an F alongside your name.

Followed up by zombie-language Latin which is capable of shocking the students even more than any movie Romero, Fulci or Carpenter could think of.

Thereupon sports which can only be called diaphoretic in case the regular teacher is being substituted and the students arrange the lesson.

Subsequently computer sciences where we are denied the access to the computer labs since the school leaving exams are held in the building complex the labs are located in. A splendid achievement in organization.

Last but not least stinks. For anyone who is keen on chemistry at least bearable and somewhat educational.

Altogether an ordinary school day but you betake yourself to go to school cherishing the illusion of learning something.

First class:

You arrive in the class room, listening to some pointless conversation you overhear while waiting for the teacher. But latter does not appear. Inquiring at the secretariat we are told to be patient. The teacher certainly will show up soon. Eventually the 45 minutes pass without even the appearance of a substitute leaving a complete class of idlers.

Second class:

English class separates, Latin class assembles. Fact is our class is as capable of the language as a Islamist is tolerant towards human rights, due to regular class cancellation and consistent teacher changes since 7^th grade. Two of our Latin teachers suffered from a prolonged illness and during this period virtually no lesson was held. There was not even an attempt of giving us exercises to bridge the time.

Later on we got a substitute teacher who is as aptly as a teacher as an ALDI shopping bag is suited as a petroleum carrier (which by the way is apposite to most of the teachers of my so called “school”). Thus two and a half years we learnt next to nothing about Latin. And since we could not make up for the lost time that easy, let alone considering a dead language like Latin, towards we could not bring up any motivation what so ever, our Latin skills were correspondingly desolate. So much about the foretime of our Latin class.

In tenth grade, back in present time when this article was written, our Latin teacher is indisposed once again and once again the school is not capable of providing a substitute. Instead frolicsome pupils left blithering, gossiping, chitchatting and of course working on forgotten homework for the previous class (though it did not take place but the teacher might be back the next days, who knows) and upcoming classes.

Little break: the first major break. Where you can learn a lot more from schoolmates in 20 minutes, than in the actual classes or from the teachers. For example the classical philosophical aporia which asks the question, whether, when a tree falls and no one is around to witness the event, it still would make a noise. We were defied to prove the questioner wrong and he himself noticeably enjoyed the confusion he caused.

After that we go to sports. Lo and behold: substitution! Why is it I am not surprised? Still, at least an actual gym teacher is assigned! This is not the invariably case. However, it rather occurs in gym class than in any other class, where an assignment for a specialist substitute is an outright rarity. And in fact we are practicing sports. Having said this, as told before, gym class rather is to be considered as such when it is given as a replacement lesson.

2 classes and a five-minute-break later it is time for the second major break. The level of education is raised afresh until it sags again in the 5^th lesson due to the fact that the teacher is substituted once more. In the meantime one or two students went home because they were unwilling to attend a school day of idling. Just to be accused of cutting school the next day. Hello!!! What kind of school???

45 minutes of iron butt later we arrived at the one and only not substituted lesson this day: chemistry. At the very least after 45 minutes of actual teaching you get an impression of how school might look like and you are released to go home, still asking yourself why you went to school this morning in the first place.

The answer: unfortunately our working world demands a scrap of paper, imprinted with symbols called “numerals” or “grades”, or even a meaningless piece of crap called “Abitur”. Those things are pervaded by abovementioned conditions and the students are obliged to downright toil themselves through school day by day, only for the chance of serving in a bearable job one day.

We summarize: out of 6 lessons 5 were substituted! You went through the whole school day just for stinks.

It is utterly sad but unfortunately it is reality and no exaggerated satire. At this point one should ask himself what we are doing wrong. Because one thing is for sure: that is not the way for it to continue.


(orginially posted on May 7th, 2006)