Welcome to the German education system!

“We want to diminish the cancellation of classes and provide an improved level of education.”

This is what politicians announced after the dismaying results of the PISA study regarding the educational attainment of German students. How does this work in reality? Business as usual when politicians deliver such speeches.

Take this example:

Tuesday, morning class. The timetable announces: English, taught by an apodictic veteran nazi you don’t want to contradict, unless you intend an F alongside your name.

Followed up by zombie-language Latin which is capable of shocking the students even more than any movie Romero, Fulci or Carpenter could think of.

Thereupon sports which can only be called diaphoretic in case the regular teacher is being substituted and the students arrange the lesson.

Subsequently computer sciences where we are denied the access to the computer labs since the school leaving exams are held in the building complex the labs are located in. A splendid achievement in organization.

Last but not least stinks. For anyone who is keen on chemistry at least bearable and somewhat educational.

Altogether an ordinary school day but you betake yourself to go to school cherishing the illusion of learning something.

First class:

You arrive in the class room, listening to some pointless conversation you overhear while waiting for the teacher. But latter does not appear. Inquiring at the secretariat we are told to be patient. The teacher certainly will show up soon. Eventually the 45 minutes pass without even the appearance of a substitute leaving a complete class of idlers.

Second class:

English class separates, Latin class assembles. Fact is our class is as capable of the language as a Islamist is tolerant towards human rights, due to regular class cancellation and consistent teacher changes since 7^th grade. Two of our Latin teachers suffered from a prolonged illness and during this period virtually no lesson was held. There was not even an attempt of giving us exercises to bridge the time.

Later on we got a substitute teacher who is as aptly as a teacher as an ALDI shopping bag is suited as a petroleum carrier (which by the way is apposite to most of the teachers of my so called “school”). Thus two and a half years we learnt next to nothing about Latin. And since we could not make up for the lost time that easy, let alone considering a dead language like Latin, towards we could not bring up any motivation what so ever, our Latin skills were correspondingly desolate. So much about the foretime of our Latin class.

In tenth grade, back in present time when this article was written, our Latin teacher is indisposed once again and once again the school is not capable of providing a substitute. Instead frolicsome pupils left blithering, gossiping, chitchatting and of course working on forgotten homework for the previous class (though it did not take place but the teacher might be back the next days, who knows) and upcoming classes.

Little break: the first major break. Where you can learn a lot more from schoolmates in 20 minutes, than in the actual classes or from the teachers. For example the classical philosophical aporia which asks the question, whether, when a tree falls and no one is around to witness the event, it still would make a noise. We were defied to prove the questioner wrong and he himself noticeably enjoyed the confusion he caused.

After that we go to sports. Lo and behold: substitution! Why is it I am not surprised? Still, at least an actual gym teacher is assigned! This is not the invariably case. However, it rather occurs in gym class than in any other class, where an assignment for a specialist substitute is an outright rarity. And in fact we are practicing sports. Having said this, as told before, gym class rather is to be considered as such when it is given as a replacement lesson.

2 classes and a five-minute-break later it is time for the second major break. The level of education is raised afresh until it sags again in the 5^th lesson due to the fact that the teacher is substituted once more. In the meantime one or two students went home because they were unwilling to attend a school day of idling. Just to be accused of cutting school the next day. Hello!!! What kind of school???

45 minutes of iron butt later we arrived at the one and only not substituted lesson this day: chemistry. At the very least after 45 minutes of actual teaching you get an impression of how school might look like and you are released to go home, still asking yourself why you went to school this morning in the first place.

The answer: unfortunately our working world demands a scrap of paper, imprinted with symbols called “numerals” or “grades”, or even a meaningless piece of crap called “Abitur”. Those things are pervaded by abovementioned conditions and the students are obliged to downright toil themselves through school day by day, only for the chance of serving in a bearable job one day.

We summarize: out of 6 lessons 5 were substituted! You went through the whole school day just for stinks.

It is utterly sad but unfortunately it is reality and no exaggerated satire. At this point one should ask himself what we are doing wrong. Because one thing is for sure: that is not the way for it to continue.


(orginially posted on May 7th, 2006)